OUR APARTMENT [the digital experience]

Here we are in the middle of July.

And in less than a few weeks I will be moving into my apartment. Which I am looking forward to greatly. But at the same time I do not want to pay bills or any of that shit. I applied for a job at Lowes in Boone, so we'll see how that goes.

I am really hopeful about this fall. Granted, there are a lot of things that will be going on, but in a way, it will be good because I like being busy.

I am in a really weird mood and I cannot get what's in my mind out.

So I think that by rambling about stupid shit, I will eventually say what I wanted to.

Friendships can be compared to cars, I think. They both need maintenance. It can sometimes be hard to maintain friendships, despite how much the person means to you.

I have tried to contact most everyone I know in the Triad area this summer in order to get together or just talk and catch up. But there are a few people who are making this task really difficult and I am not sure if I can really count on them anymore as a good friend.

Writing things like this make me feel like I am in middle school or something. But I just need to sort of get things out.

Also, meeting new people is even more of a chore than maintaining your pre-existing friendships. The success rate of new friends created through mutual friends or a spell of outgoing behavior is relatively low for me.

And I have been trying like hell this summer to broaden myself.

Because, ultimately, I like meeting people. And in my two jobs, that doesn't happen too frequently.

But I think that I might be falling out of my extroverted phase for the month and I am finding myself wanting to do things by myself more and more.

Again, this could be the product of too much of a good thing, but whatever.

I hate the idea of being by myself too much though. It is something I do on an impulse without knowing. My personality is wanting to adapt and change, but my instinct is not having any of it.

Ah, so basically...I am ready for the summer to be over and get back to a comfortable way of life. A way that I know very well, and that of course is school.

New Ideas

Upon doing a little of research on my own time I have discovered my goal for the future.

Obviously I want to pursue a career in architecture. With that said, even with the perfect career, I appreciate other options that I can utilize to complement my ideas.

Recently I was looking at one of my favorite architect's website, that being Steven Holl.

Along with many other well known architects he has a remarkable insight for design. Not only is he an architect but he is a designer of many kinds (industrial, product, etc.), not to mention that he is a writer and artist.

This is something that I could completely evolve into.

While my current education specializes in design, I have a firm understanding and previous experience in basic art skills and can utilize multiple medium.

I feel that as a designer, your ideas are not regulated into a specific sector. Furthermore, as a designer I feel that it is imperative that one be familiar in all types of design and be able to render ideas in more than one standard way.

For the record I have been drinking, which equates to this thought-provoking post.

In conclusion, I do not want to be tied down in a career. I want to be able to use my design insight and let the ideations flow as they may.

So it's official. I am a nerd.

Here's a list of the schools I am looking at for next fall (in no particular order):

School of the Art Institute of Chicago: http://www.saic.edu/

University of Maryland: http://www.umd.edu/

University of Minnesota-Twin Cities: www.umn.edu/twincities

University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee: http://www.uwm.edu/

University of Colorado-Denver: http://www.cudenver.edu/

Ohio State University: http://www.osu.edu/

Iowa State University: http://www.iastate.edu/

North Carolina State University: http://www.ncsu.edu/

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But this whole grad school thing has really got me thinking. I don't know of one person who is going on to graduate school with the exception of Josh. So in a way that makes me feel good, because I have such high goals for myself, but at the same time I realize how much older I seem. I am a fifty year old man in a 21 year old body.

In other news I finally finished my hours working at the studio so I am working there part-time to finish up some assignments. Also I move into my apartment in less than a month. The excitement builds.

So when I am not studying for the GRE or working, I have been reading. Reading like crazy. I finished Duma Key, which seemed to take forever this spring. Currently I am reading Island by Aldous Huxley. And next up in the cue is Capote's In Cold Blood. As many people know I love bookstores. So when I went I couldn't stop at buying just one.

Again, I am the biggest nerd ever.

Recently I have found that work...is something I do not enjoy.

The concept of work is great. Providing services to make money, but that is easier said than done. I have two jobs, and both of them are grueling in means of boredom.

Which brings me to the point.

I am in the process of applying to graduate school. Not only am I applying because I want the title of, architect, but because I am not ready for the workforce. Not to say that I am inexperienced or immature but honestly, it's easier being a student than it is being an employee.

In school my life revolves around what I choose. I pick my classes, class time, and even professor. In school I have the option of taking it easy when needed. On the job, well that's a whole other deal.

And the fact is, I enjoy being in school. I might hate writing a paper on a strict deadline, but I am one of those people that feels obligated to relay information I learn to most anyone in conversation, thus I enjoy learning.

I have been studying for the GRE for a whole three days. I bought a study guide book and took my first practice test. To my surprise, I did better in the math part than I did in the verbal part.

Not to say that I am GREAT at any one of them, but I would have expected it to be the other way around.

So now I am planning a thorough revision of all the stuff I learned in high school that I have misplaced.

Tests, in general, are challenging for me. I feel that sometimes things can be so subjective and there are more than one answer for things. But I am coming to the conclusion that I need to overcome this and be prepared for the GRE.

A few years ago I was in the same situation with the SAT. But being in college, I have almost lost all memory of standardized tests.

I see the logic in why these tests are important and do not argue their presence, but I feel that ultimately I am a bad test taker.

I have also found this hidden energy to learn; in the middle of the summer, with my brain in a state of atrophy. Hopefully this energy will help me become more self disciplined and allow me to continue my studying, and maybe carry into the fall.

And, just to say...I am going to be a senior...again. The time does not seem to have gone by as fast as it has. It is almost as if a few months ago I was applying for school and stressing about where it was I was going to end up. Well, here I am again. Except this time, I am not as stressed (currently) and I have a whole new level of priorities. Not only do I need to find a school to go to, but I need to find a school where I can get an assistantship, pre-arranged housing, and hopefully in the same place as Josh, who is applying as well.

But this last year will be the true test of my maturity thus far. I will be living in my first apartment, which means paying bills. I will be worked to the maximum on projects, and I will be applying for grad school, paying for those applications, and paying for/taking the GRE.

So maybe not maturity, but definitely financial responsibility. Which is why I am considering getting a part time job on the weekends, just a few hours to help with the cost of living.

This of course brings me back to my introductory point...the whole working environment.

I actually made it back to the beginning.

Recently...

I have been in a need of some well spent Ben time. And with me working two jobs, employed for the entire week it was refreshing to discover that today I did not have to work. So what did I do?

1. First, I woke up at 12:30 in the afternoon and went downstairs to eat some frosted shredded wheat.
2. I then began watching my daily dose of MSNBC.
3. Spoke to Christine and others.
4. Discovered Zeitgeist.
5. Watched Zeithgeist.
6. Ate dinner.
7. Began to think about more things as a result of the previous enlightenment.
8. Wished that I could live on a deserted island.
9. Defend my environmental beliefs yet again.
10. Decide to immerse myself in decent music and simmer the thought process down for the evening.

But upon watching Zeitgeist, I will say, that I was shocked and pissed (but in a good way).

Also...let me just put this out there, but some people are fucked up. And I hope that Senator Clinton wins the Democratic nomination. (Though at this point I feel that it is almost impossible, and probably manipulated to be that way so that our country will end up with another war mongrel as a president.)

But to be positive, my job at the studio is going much better. It is a long, unpaid job but it is getting better. Some days suck, and some days are great.

More later.

New Developments

So as of yesterday I started my summer internship. I am working at a commercial photography studio in Greensboro...and a lifeguard job at a community pool.

Basically, my summer is going to be very busy.

This past weekend I went to the beach with Josh and Christine. It was nice to you know, get out of town before all of this hell starts.

I'm not quite sure if what I want to do in the intern position is something that I would seek later in life, but I mean it was the only available job that I could get (after several months of trying to find one).

Hopefully, though things will pick up and I can actually do something. Yesterday I matched inventory to a catalogue, ironed a sheet and put paint swatches back in the color books. Yeah...that was about it. I want to DRAW for god sake. Even though I get so pissed at the professors in studio, I would much rather be drawing for something than sitting around here...wasting time on my computer.

Not to say that this whole process is a waste of time or anything...but at least Caite got to pick out textiles on her first day.

What a Debbie Downer.

I ate lunch by myself yesterday in the stark break room. Apparently yesterday there was a significant thunderstorm that passed by. But I saw nothing of it...as where I am at does not posses any natural light opportunities.

But I suppose I need to think optimistically.